You’ve got to be fucki*g kidding me?!
A new study ranked Arizona as the least potty-mouthed state in the country. We here at Phoenix New Times are calling, ahem, bullshit.
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Playfame.com, an online social casino, analyzed the Reddit pages of each state to identify which ones contained the most profanity. The study analyzed each state subreddit’s total posts and comments; the number of posts and comments with profanity; and the percentage of profane posts. They tabulated that data and came up with a “rudeness score” out of 10. The lower the state ranked on the rudeness score, the higher it ranked as a goody-two-shoes.
Arizona’s subreddit must be pretty fucking tame compared to the state’s freeways, bars and social establishments. With a 2.63 out of ten, the study gave Arizona the lowest rank of all 50 states and Washington, D.C. — identifying it as the country’s most PG-rated state. The study ranked Iowa, South Dakota and Ohio as the top-cussing lovers with scores in the mid-nine range.
A quick glance at Arizona’s subreddit shows that it’s pretty wholesome. It’s filled with pictures of beautiful sunsets, mountain views and big-ass scorpions. Users ask about the cost of medical marijuana cards, hiking spots around Sedona and whether people still “love and respect” Randy Johnson. (The answer is yes, of-fucking-course.) One out-of-state user asks for travel tips. Another shares a video of a Gila monster bounding through the grass. One user shows a photo of their progress driving on every paved highway over the past year and a half. It’s Ned Flandersly wholesome stuff — and devoid of any of the true nature of the Arizonan vernacular.
According to the study, Arizona subreddit users’ favorite curse words are shit, fuck, fucking, sucks, ass, suck, bullshit, shitty, bitch and porn. Groundbreaking data, really, even if at least three of those words arguably aren’t curse words. In reality, letting a good expletive rip is an everyday, popular occurrence for Arizonans. (Hello from Phoenix New Times!)
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Residents are bound to hear a “asshole! learntofuckingdrive!” on their morning commute after witnessing a near rear-ender. Even getting into your car is ripe for cursing innovation. Arizonans dump clusters of undiscovered vowels into the word “motherfucker” every time the metal part of their seatbelt hits their bare skin.
It’s not uncommon to let out an extended “the fuckkkkkk” when the forecast shows the heat vaulting above 110 degrees. When the forecast shows rain in the works, it’s fine to mutter “my ass.” This fuckass summer heat can go blow itself in hell, and you can tell your mom that straight to her face, without breaking eye contact. Arizonans even use these words positively. A classic, dust-enhanced Arizona sunset is, let’s face it, fuckin’ beautiful.
Outside of oppressive heat, Arizona isn’t ranked #1 in much. But we disagree that Arizona residents are so lacking in salt. As our Spanish-speaking friends — clearly overlooked by this survey — would retort: no mames.
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